#which is not an excuse but an explanation really

[gojoest]

f!reader, she/her pronouns used, you work in the office’s sales and investment department, managing clients and closing deals, your VIP client gojo satoru ofc is down bad for you

“is he here again?” one of your coworkers whispers, eyeing the white haired man lounging in the waiting area.

“yeah”, the other replies with a nod. “he must be loaded. i mean, look at him — he’s buying land or property every other day”

“should we go see what he’s here for this time?”

a third chimes in, lowering her voice. “i already tried, but he said he’s waiting for her”

“oh, of course”, the first two say in unison, rolling their eyes. “he never wants to work with anyone else but her”

the man sitting across from them is gojo satoru — the head of the infamous and powerful gojo clan and, without question, one of the richest men in japan. he first walked into the office a month ago for a routine estate deal, but then… he saw you. since then, he’s been coming back almost daily — buying land, investing in companies, expanding his already ridiculous portfolio. but it’s never really about business, he doesn’t care about doubling or tripling his assets — every deal, every investment, it’s just an excuse to see you.

the office chatter cuts off the moment you step out of the meeting room, walking alongside a new client you had just finished discussing terms with.

“it was a pleasure meeting you” — the man says warmly, taking your offered hand but instead of shaking it, he lifts it to his lips and places a kiss on your knuckles. “i would be delighted to work with you”

you clear your throat, not exactly pleased with his actions, and retract your hand quickly while still maintaining a polite and professional smile as you nod. “likewise”

“may i have your number? just in case any details come up?”

“of course” you reply, and the two of you exchange business cards.

as the client exits, your attention shifts to a sharp tapping sound coming from the waiting area. there he is — gojo satoru — legs crossed, one foot thudding impatiently against the floor while the other on top swings, arms folded tightly across his chest, his usual carefree demeanor nowhere to be seen. he’s clearly not pleased.

another man had just tried his luck with you, just like he once did. and chances are, just like him, that man will be back.

“i would be delighted to work with you” — satoru mutters under his breath, mimicking the client’s voice with exaggeratedly small voice. “yeah, right. my ass”

you can’t help but chuckle and walk over to him. “hello, mr. gojo”

he huffs, still pissed at the way that man kissed your hand. offering no greeting in return and no teasing grin as he usually does, he jumps straight to the point with a grumbled confession.

“you know, i’m a very jealous man”, he pauses, eyes still locked on the door your client just walked out of, before he continues — “i already don’t like the idea of that man calling or texting you”

you raise a brow as you take a seat beside him. “it’s business related”, you reply, though you’re not sure why you’re even giving him an explanation, let alone trying to calm him down.

“yeah? well, so was mine the first time, but look how that turned out”

you roll your eyes, fighting the smile tugging at your lips. “you mean you buying half the city just to keep showing up here?”

“exactly” he leans back, spreading his arms along the top of the couch like he owns the entire building — which, at this point, wouldn’t surprise you. “you’re a dangerous woman. all professional and focused until suddenly i’m out here investing in organic rice farms just for a reason to see you”

you laugh. “is that why you wanted to meet me today?”

he shrugs. “who knows? maybe i suddenly care a lot about sustainable agriculture”

“you’re ridiculous”, you snort.

“and you’re unreal”, his tone a bit more teasing now. “i swear you could get on my nerves every day and i’d still thank the universe for putting you in my life”

“huh?” you blink.

“i’m serious”, he says, voice dropping low, eyes locked on yours. “you driving me crazy, making me jealous, acting like this is just business — you could keep doing that for the rest of my life. because the most beautiful woman on earth getting on my nerves? that’s an honor.” he pauses for half a second, then leans in, “but i need to make you mine — officially”

“what are you—“

before you can finish, he cuts you off. “we can go pick a ring right now” he says casually like he’s offering to go grab some coffee. “i’ve already got five jewelers on speed dial. we’ll go full sparkle because you deserve nothing less”

you just stare at him in disbelief, torn between laughing and checking to see if he’s actually joking.

“what?” he grins. “don’t look so shocked. i told you from the start that i don’t do things halfway, especially not when it comes to you”

you’re not oblivious, of course. you’ve known for a while now that gojo satoru has a thing for you. the way he always asks for you specifically, the over-the-top deals, the charming smiles paired with suspiciously timed visits — it is beyond obvious. though part of you always thought it was just a tiny, harmless crush. but now he’s suddenly talking about rings like you’ve already been dating for years and it’s the most natural progression.

okay, maybe, just maybe, calling it a tiny crush doesn’t really hold up when the man is out here casually buying half the city just for an excuse to see you.

you narrow your eyes at him, a smirk tugging at your lips. “you know, maybe before we start ring shopping we should try lunch first”

“lunch, huh?” satoru tilts his head, pretending to think.

you nod. “yeah. you know — small steps! a conversation that isn’t about land acquisitions or surprise proposals”

he leans in, his voice smug and sweet all at once. “would you freak out if i told you i already bought the ring?”

“no, you didn’t”

“yes, i did”, he says, completely unfazed. “it’s in my pocket”

[what-th3fucc]

fleshing out Stella bc Vivziepop doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing

Vivziepop and Stolas stans who want to flame me for being “a hater” DNI please.

most of these are headcanons and explanations to give her more character than “evil mean wife is mean to precious misunderstood baby twink boi because she’s evil” like SHUT THE FUCK UUUPPP

so first of all this is obvious but she didn’t want to get married to Stolas. in this scenario she’s also a complete victim to arranged marriage

her parents/family were indifferent and only ever really paid attention to her just to reprimand her when she made a mistake. she would act out as a child (hence that one feral pic of her) partially to get their attention and partially bc she developed anger issues from her low self esteem

so basically she never felt truly loved by someone

which is why she got absolutely PISSED at StolASS for cheating on her despite not wanting to be with him

also she’s aroace

which is why she hated being married and hated reproducing with Stolas

she was forced into a relationship she didn’t want to be in and forced to do something she hated bc their families said so

her anger issues also got worse after getting married

she’s uncomfortable with her brother making inappropriate comments about her but gave up speaking out about it bc no one gave a shit

I was also thinking maybe a redemption arc thing? like not full circle yet but maybe with Octavia she could actually learn how love feels and how to love someone and end up actually caring about her daughter? I think it would be cute if she still hated everyone but Octavia and actually grew warmer to her idk it’s a thought

BTW NONE OF MY HEADCANONS EXCUSE HER ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR, IT SIMPLY ALLOWS INSIGHT INTO HER POV AND EXPLAINS SOME OF HER TRAITS BETTER

oh yeah dress ref under the cut

I added some stuff and changed it slightly but this is the ref I used 😌

[ingravinoveritas]

I don't know if you seen on xitter about a person who tweeted about the age gap between michael and anna and how that person don't agree with it etc etc . Then the fans who literally obsessed with anna or blind too see what really happening in the relationship and always come up defensive when people have an opinion like they go in for the attack. But they seem to have forgotten that anna was pregnant and that why they got into a relationship. It wasn't cos they was in love or wanted to be together they decided to make it work cos of the situation anna was in. And 6 years on the relationship still looks like it not working out michael still has the awarkness and sad face when he pictured with anna, when michael is pictured or with his daughters or other ppl his face is beaming, happy, smiling.

I honestly wish these fans would stop giving out misformation out to new fans or just ppl cos that is not what happened.

Hi, Anon. I've been at a conference all day, but I have had people DMing me and letting me know what has happened.

To summarize: A teenager wrote a tweet about being uncomfortable with age gap relationships and mentioned Michael and Anna specifically (though they stated they did not have a problem with David and Georgia). This then led to a number of Michael's fans--adults, mind you--piling on and attacking this girl. All of this started yesterday, continued into today, and has now culminated in that teenager having messages sent to her DMs telling her to kill herself.

I am not going to link to any of the tweets publicly, as I have no desire to add any fuel to the fire. But to say that the behavior in the fandom today has been appalling is a massive understatement. It is NEVER, ever okay to send someone death threats or tell someone to kill themselves for any reason, least of all in the name of defending a relationship between two complete strangers.

Again, this person was not calling Michael or Anna names. She did not tag either one of them in her tweets or engage in harassment of any kind (and if she had, that would absolutely not have been acceptable and I would have no problem calling it out). The only thing she did was to say how she felt uncomfortable, and explain why. She had an opinion that people didn't like. And this was enough to set the fandom alight and tear apart a teenager with an account that has barely a hundred followers.

The other thing, too, is that in the past, Michael has made no secret of how he feels about people using him as an excuse to attack others:

It stands to reason, then, that if Michael thought he needed to defend Anna or their relationship, that he would very readily do it himself. It's likely he would not even have any idea of this teenager's tweets had it not been for the fandom drawing so much attention to it in the first place, so the odds of him even knowing about it went up substantially just because of all this uproar.

I'm also wondering why anyone would want to be a fan of someone who would be okay with or even encourage their fans defending them by telling people to kill themselves. Is that who they think Michael is? (Or, Anna, for that matter?) Because I truly do not think Michael would be the person we all admire so greatly if he was okay with that.

It's also not lost on me that some fans are in effect rewriting history by talking about Michael and Anna's relationship as if we know how they met, when neither one of them have ever actually mentioned it. To be clear, this is not saying that they owe anyone an explanation of when/how they met, but the automatic assumptions fans are making do not necessarily have a basis in reality, and could possibly even be hurtful to Michael or Anna if they do not accurately represent their relationship. Especially when Michael himself has said that her pregnancy was a surprise, and they both decided to try to make it work (which suggests a very different narrative to "They met and fell in love and chose each other, the end").

All that said, the point underscoring everything that has happened in the last day is that if--as many folks have insisted--Michael and Anna's relationship is perfect and they are madly in love, why do they need to be defended? Shouldn't the truth already be obvious, without having to be stated? And why should one random teenager on Twitter not liking the relationship be such a threat to their relationship?

In any case, today was a perfect example of what happens when people escalate instead of de-escalate, and how dangerous that "hive mind" fandom mentality can truly be. Yet given the blind item yesterday and then this person writing what they did, it seems like a lot of the knee-jerk reactions are belying what some fans may actually be feeling...

[spicyherbamyst]

"[piece of media] being for a very specific audience" is something very under appreciated in media literacy like please understand you are most likely the peripheral audience for many things.

[omegalerc]

Please tell me you've seen this my God he looks so ejsheushek

https://x.com/sweetyoua/status/1870892887975813429?t=CJ2OQk1SsGukvNUvC71Oiw&s=19

OFCCCCCCC I HAVE!! one of the most incriminating lifechanging charles gifs ever.. now i encourage everybody to click the link and fully take in this masterpiece, but let’s focus on and appreciate these two specific frames.

[loderlied]

i am sorry. about the gort stuff. btw

[charliespringverse]

i think it should be possible to scream without making any noise or disturbing anyone or inviting any questions . just sometimes . as a treat .

[plounce]

i wish i was not as forgetful as i am. i don't like how it makes me unintentionally thoughtlessly unkind.

[mabaris]

also. tbh. a little disappointed it seems like taash is Also going to be from the qun, or at least a very recent defect. i was hoping we’d get to see more vashoth characters

[lord-squiggletits]

sorry things are not good at the moment, and I hope you will get through this ok.

I'm paraphrasing a bit, but aiui you see Pharma as very much inclined not to explain the reasoning for his choices. What effect do you think that had/has on the other medics there, either in terms of their responses to what went on at the time or later?

(Inspired particularly by the context of The Wicked)

Honestly, I think Pharma's inability to tell people when something's up with him is unfortunately why he got rejected by his Autobot buddies so bad. I mean, ignoring the really bad implications, it seems to me like in Pharma's efforts to be restrained/professional/composed, he mostly comes off as cold. So if Pharma comes off to most people as just a cold professional, I suppose it makes sense why they heard about him being blackmailed by the DJD and just assumed Pharma was chill being a traitor and killing people? Aid/Ambulon/Ratchet/etc just like. Forgot that Pharma is a person with emotions and assumed that clearly, since Pharma is always in control of himself and always knows what he's doing, that must mean that when he worked with the DJD it was purposeful (in the sense of being willing).

Sucks too, bc in my personal headcanon the reason Pharma is so uptight and focused on a professional persona in the first place is related to social anxiety and an oppressed background. So in the process of Pharma constructing this professional persona so that other people respect and value him, it was that same persona that also made people assume he just had no emotions at all, so it was easy for them to assume the worst of him.

[demigodofhoolemere]

Me through most of Boom: Wow, this is a really solid dramatic episode.

Me when Moffat needlessly sprinkles in anti-faith sentiments without specifying that it’s blind faith in bad things that the Doctor doesn’t like, which makes it come off like the Doctor is just against religion generally:

[malachitezmeyka]

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t 12 when I came up with Suiren and Midori cause why the fuck do both of them have Japanese names

[stellanslashgeode]

Okay, so. Star Wars has all these concepts that weirdo New Left boomer George Lucas tosses in there but because of storyteller limitations it would kill the plot to fully explain them all, so later writers have to come in for the spin-off materials and bat clean-up to fully explain all this crazy crap. And I would like to talk about something that made me actively angry at first, but which I now adore. And that is the Naboo.

So much about Naboo culture is infuriating from a logical standpoint. They have a queen, okay. A constitutionally elected queen? Weird, okay. Don't know why they'd do that but... She's FOURTEEN? Excuse me? Is it a ceremonial thing or, oh no it's not? Legit head of state? Why does she dress like that? Why does she talk like that? I'm so tired.

Here's the explainer. Let me go cook.

There's this joke in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy where the last living human goes back in time and finds out humans aren't actually from Earth, but an alien culture that tricked all the middle managers, pedantic weirdos, and other infuriating folk into getting in a space arc which they gave the wrong evacuation coordinates to simply get rid of them. The Naboo are like this but they're all artists and poets and hippies, but like classy ones. They fled their home planet during a war and crash landed on Naboo, then did a colonism to the Gungans because, hey, they were fleeing a war and it was do or die. This spiritual rot in their creation story is later rectified by Padmé. But it's super important to their cultural psychology. They're hippies, but will subjugate if needed. They are "peaceful" but I guarantee you every single one of them has a tiny extremely shiny pistol up their sleeve and they will draw down on you if backed against a wall.

The scene that I think says it all is at the end of Phantom Menace when Padmé is surrounded by Nute Gunray and his droids, they've got her dead to rights, but Sabé her double creates a distraction so the queen can make it to her throne. This one piece of furniture is the Naboo in a nutshell. It's richly carved with artistic details, it has two seats to the side so the queen's handmaidens can read the lips of people in the back of the room and use hand signals to communicate with the queen while she can remain focused mostly on who is speaking to her. It is hundreds of years old. And it has a secret compartment in the armrest that is FULL OF GUNS. Layers of artistic opulence hiding their true intentions.

The Naboo were created to be backwards compatible with Princess Leia. They're compassionate pacifists, but they will shot you if needed.

Why do they elect teenage royalty? It's a little creepy. It's giving "age of consent is emotional maturity". It makes no sense.

The explanation they give outsiders is they want youthful idealism untainted by cynicism. What they don't tell you is that they take kids with stated interest in politics and put them in an advanced highly competitive Leadership Academy which is like Model UN mixed with Battle Royale. Well, they don't kill each other but it's intense. It's like what the clones went though just all diplomacy training and tea ceremonies all the time. Which is crazy but so Naboo.

Oh, and all the delegates for the royalty election run using pseudonyms for security. Imagine voting for the head of state but you can't run a background check. It's so crazy.

Why does Padmé dress like that? Well, fashion is one of Naboo's major industries so it's like she's wearing the entire Fall line catalog at once. To advertise not only the talent of her people, but to show how much they favor her. BUT that dress has multiple layers of padding and resin armor. And aforementioned spots for those little silver blasters. And it breaks up her silhouette making her harder to shoot. And it's so elaborate you pay more attention to the crazy dress and not if the person wearing it is really the queen or a decoy. Everything about Naboo is like this.

Queen Amidala has that weird accent while Padmé does not. Because all her handmaidens helped create the accent together so they all can imitate it. It's like if you gave girls at a rowdy sleepover the job of federal counterintelligence. That's what they came up with.

The handmaidens wear colorful identical clothes so you can't tell them apart, hoods to partially conceal their identity, and they don't wear the queen's fancy makeup. So one of them can be the queen and spy on people in the audience. Because the Naboo don't trust shit for shit.

Their public face is so silly to hide all the truly weird shit they do behind the scenes.

They use their reputation as artist hippies to conceal multiple layers of subterfuge and disguise their methods of self defense and assuage their paranoia due to wartime trauma and their disturbing colonial past. All of them are completely off their rocker even by Star Wars standards. And I love them so much. They put on a show so everyone thinks they have them figured out but what they have going on is far more weirder and more sinister than meets the eye. You know how catty, neurotic, and competitive art school students stereotypically are? Yeah, planet art student. Love them!

There you go, @charmwasjess

[theladygazingatemptiness]

me @ me: hoe don't kill this fish tryna be Mother Ocean

[notquitecanon]

Virtual Breadcrumbs || Poly!141 x hacker!reader

Summary: A kinda prologue to Search History, While you're having your menty b back on base, a little bit from the boys' perspective. Specifically Simon. Alexa, play Mastermind by Taylor Swift.  

Part One Next Part

CW: NSFW MDNI 18+ female pronouns , porn, porn, lots of porn allusion, the boys are all handsy with each other, Simon's lowkey manipulating the situation, again irl this is harassment, stalking warning to be safe? mentions of oral and vaginal sex, really just me being nasty from Simon's point of view

It took a long time to gain access to Simon’s inner circle. Simon Riley had a habit of being intense, all or nothing, especially for those he’s decided to care about. His captain and his sergeants were in that inner circle, and he cared deeply, implicitly, about them. Health, safety, happiness, and something Simon was especially attuned to was keeping them sated. A man of action and acts of service. 

Simon was neither a poet nor a psychologist, so he didn’t spend much time or energy putting definitive terms and conditions on whatever relationship the 141 shared. He cared and he was cared for, it was intimate on all levels, and that’s all that mattered to him. 

A bond forged in bombs, bloodshed, and loyalty above all else.  Four soldiers at the top of their game, literally battle-hardened (double entendre completely intended). He was content with his little circle. 

However, he couldn’t fault the boys for missing something a little softer. Something a little sweeter, something a little more pliant. Hell, Simon wouldn’t mind burying his nose in a neck that didn’t smell like sweat, blood, and gunpowder.  

That’s where you came in. Simon’s sharp eyes didn’t miss anything. 

He saw how Price’s signature little smile rested on you whenever your explanations turned a little rambling, the look of pride in his eyes when you cracked a hard encryption- he’d called in a favor from Laswell to recruit you after all. How the Captain didn’t scold you when your work outfits were outside the civilian regulations (which was often), not that Price minded the view when you’d drop something and bend over to pick it up in your pretty skirts and heels. 

He saw how Gaz would lean over your shoulder, just a hair too close to be friendly, and watch in a little bit of awe as you worked, how the two of you spoke in code (literally) to each other. He would watch Gaz get a little hot in the face with your flirty little quips over comms, voice a little tight as he returned them. How the sergeant would bring you little pastries or coffees on days they were on base, how prided he seemed when your face lit up, and when you’d unexpectedly touch him- grab his hand or bicep with your pretty painted nails? Simon would notice how Kyle would excuse himself to go do something else, sometimes dragging Soap off with him.

And Johnny. He tried not to show it, the Scot was as loyal as they came. A dog, Simon called him often, a mutt when he was being obnoxious. Simon’d noticed Johnny literally sniffing around you, his head following the lingering scent of perfume and shampoo when you passed. He was touchy with you, passing it off as being friendly, hugging you just a bit too tight to feel the squish of your body against his- a kind of softness Simon, Price, and Gaz just couldn’t replicate. It was a sport for him, to get you to blush or stutter. 

And, fucking hell, the banter. Your voice, slightly crackly through their headsets, leading and chiding them through missions. Something about the distance or facelessness of it made you bold and teasing. Soap would egg you on over comms, sending you both down teasing explicit rabbit holes, until Price would remind both of you that the brass had access to these audio files, and you’d get shy and go quiet, but not for long.  Gaz was fairly smooth with it, not often getting out of hand until you clicked off and he’d adjust his pants and collar mid-op. Something about Price’s authority kept you a bit tamer on him, but sometimes you would slip, and the way you got all shy and apologetic, Price’s chest would puff up a bit, beard twitching with a smirk as he’d ’scold’ you. 

Simon’s men wanted you, bad. But none of them were going to be the first to admit it, none of them wanting to be the first to want more. Their loyalty to each other was their greatest value, but it was holding them back this time. But Simon had a plan, all he had to do was plant the seed. 

__

The 141 had holed up in a grungy safehouse to rest and recoup before moving on to the next portion of this assignment. ‘House’ was a bit generous- there was no central heating and it was little more than a kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom, the living room was basically just the foyer with a pull-out couch that took up the entire floorspace when pulled out.  The mission hadn’t gone to shit, but it was proving tedious, and stretching into a longer commitment than they’d planned for. Price was miffed about the time commitment, but it wasn’t anything new, it happened all the time. 

Waiting for transpo from Nik and information that you were working on. Even Simon felt the sting of disappointment when you’d told them you’d need them to quit calling, that the data Price requested from you was proving to be a challenge that needed undivided attention. They were bored. Price and Gaz had slipped off somewhere so the Captain could work out some of his irritation, which in turn got Soap huffy and touchy. 

Which was why the Scot was sitting, spine curled into Simon’s side, laid across the sofa still in full gear, long legs over the side while Simon simply sat up straight ( "s’too fuckin’ cold f’ this shite", he’d muttered after they’d found the wood for the old fashioned wood stove was both wet and molding, "Body heat it is, fucks sake." ), military-issue tablet using the secure network you and Gaz had set up. Too tired to do much of anything, too mission-wired to truly relax, restless and a little homesick.

Simon wasn’t surprised that it only took two rounds of solitaire before the Scot switched to the browser and started to look through the homepage of a porn website he didn’t recognize. They both knew this strategy, get yourself off a few times and your brain releases enough ‘good’ chemicals that you might be able to get some sleep. Johnny did seem uncharacteristically indecisive, getting quickly squirmy and irritated, as he continuously clicked ’next page’ waiting for something to catch his eyes.

A sniper always sees a good shot when it lines itself up, time to plant the seed. 

"Give it ‘ere." Simon gruffed, plucking the tablet out of Johnny’s hands, only smirking at the coarse language Johnny offered in return, though he didn’t attempt to get the tablet back. Waiting curiously and not so patiently for whatever Simon was going to produce, what a good dog.  The lieutenant took a couple minutes to find the right seed to plant, using key phrases that produced the results he was looking for. 

He let Soap peruse his yieldings. The actresses had some things in common, familiar hair and eye colors, familiar because they shared them with you. And the actors doing such filthy things to them? Well, that was the seed (double entendre not intended) Simon was planting, the bone he was throwing to Johnny, all the actors were Scottish.  The sniper knew his shot landed when Soap muttered under his breath, taking the tablet back, hips shifting a bit subconsciously as he scrolled, watching the thumbnails give little snippet previews, "Steamin’ Jesus, Lt…" 

"Seen you sniffin’ around our analyst. Pretty bird." Simon shrugged but his eyes were just as fixed on all the thumbnails, girls that looked vaguely like you in all sorts of positions getting rammed on Johnny’s- sorry, the actor’s cock. He saw the look of (Catholic) guilt on the sergeant’s face, swirling with lust and a pretty flush under his stubble, so Simon swooped in with another seed, motioning to a thumbnail where an actress with the same hair as you was moaning, "Bet our bird'd look better, bet she’d sound better." 

The guilt was gone, the seed planted and flourishing in the Scot’s brain, Johnny’s lips growing into a wicked grin as he settled on a video, not bothering with headphones or squirreling away in the bathroom.  One video turned to three, the two men taking turns chiding and teasing the other, and when his sergeant finally burst, it was your name he called out. 

Yes, his plan was going to work beautifully. 

___

For a quick two-minute search with the sole purpose of quickly getting Soap off, Simon hadn’t been displeased with his results. Neither had Johnny if the spring in his step and uptick in screen time was any indication. The actresses shared features with you, but he was positive there was a closer match out there. And since he couldn’t exactly ask you, their lass in the chair as Soap called you, he turned to their other tech guru and the next part of his plan. Kyle. 

He was a bit more straight-laced than either Simon or Johnny, he’d be harder to convince. Simon didn’t know if he had it in him to debate the morality of purposely seeking out a porn star that was as close as physically possible to you… Or how that might affect the relationship amongst the 141… Ghost wasn’t known for being the moral backbone of the task force, and this wasn’t an issue that could exactly be bullied to be won.  

So, when first met with some resistance even if Garrick’s face was flushed and he was shifting in his seat, ("Simon, that’s… I don’t know what but it’s not right. What if she finds out-") he delegated some orders to Johnny. 

Simon didn’t know what the Sergeants got up to- that’s a lie, he had a pretty good idea, and he expected a repeat performance later- but when they came back, Kyle’s eyes were still a little glazed and his shoes were on the wrong feet. 

"Well?" Simon raised an eyebrow looking up from the rifle he was meticulously cleaning. Johnny was smirking smugly, belt still undone, nudging the other sergeant to remind him to answer their lieutenant. Gaz was nodding wordlessly for a moment, running a hand over his hair, slumping back in front of his military-issue computer, and opening a private browser. 

"Yeah… Yeah, mate, I’m on it." Kyle was practically still panting from whatever Johnny had done to/for him. Simon smirked, going back to his rifle, until after a moment when Kyle’s voice was more level, he added his requirement, "If I find her-" 

He paused, cheeks heating a bit as he reworded himself a bit, "A look-a-like, I mean, I get to taste her first." 

Simon could work with that. 2 down, 1 to go. 

____

Lastly, John Price. Saved him for last for a reason, but he was also the easiest. Simon waited until the assignment was on the up and up again. Summit fever to push through and go home had its claws in all of them. He knew it was a good time because, after the last firefight and subsequent march through the woods to a safe zone, all the boys were too tired to fool with each other... much. Price was sitting against a tree, that ridiculous hat of his resting on his propped-up knee, face illuminated by his cigar and the light of his phone.

Wordlessly, Simon crouched beside the captain and held his hand out expectantly for the phone. Price blew his smoke with a quirked brow but was curious to what the sniper had in mind, placing the device in the waiting gloved hand. 

"What’re you up to, Simon?"  Price inquired suspiciously, lowering his eyes to the light of the screen as it was handed back to him. His blue eyes, older looking than the captain really was, widened for a second before darkening in the low light of the forest, "So this is what the Sergeants’ve been on about, uncanny…" 

Price watched the very short prelude, a woman who looked so much like you, wearing something a little racier than you’d wear to the office but as blood rushed elsewhere, Price found the realism didn’t matter much when if he squinted… it was you stripping off a cardigan and letting some sort of authority figure pop the buttons of your blouse before shoving you under a desk with your pretty painted lips wrapping around his- sorry, the actor’s throbbing cock… 

Seeing the way John’s expression shifted, Simon smirked under his mask, raising back to his full height and returning to where he’d stashed his gear. His plan was almost complete, they were in the final stretch.

___

Simon was watching over Johnny’s shoulder, his hips occasionally rutting through his clothes into the scot’s back, a video that the sniper had chosen. Soap thought it was really funny that it happened to be from your doppelganger's Halloween playlist, but now was just as entranced watching the tall domineering figure clad in all black and mask absolutely ruin you her. The bed was a perk of finally making it to an actual base, with officer’s barracks, waiting for the official expo back to you home.

“Fuckin’ hell.” Simon groaned, biting Johnny’s shoulder through his mask and the sergeant’s t-shirt, as gloved hands twisted into hair just like yours. It was hard not to insert himself into the fantasy. A knock on the door made him growl, pulling him away from the delicious video and friction that Soap’s weight against him was providing. With more force than really necessary, Simon whipped the door open, only relaxing a little bit when Price was standing there with Gaz, both of them with their strategizing faces on. So, he wasn’t the only one making plans lately.

“See the new video that got posted?” Gaz questioned, looking down to unlock his tablet undoubtedly sharing it over to Johnny’s laptop still playing on Ghost’s bed. Both Lieutenant and Sergeant shook their head no. Johnny clicked on the share notification, releasing a breath that puffed his cheeks and raised his eyebrows as he read the title alone, the video still loading in the base’s less than ideal wifi (the 141’s latest habit undoubtedly eating up most of the bandwidth). 

It was your doppelganger’s stage name accompanied by the words Barrack’s Bunny Gets Gang Banged! 

“Fuckin’ Hell.” Simon repeated, words almost snarling his jeans chafing him as his cock twitched in his still buttoned jeans. 

“We’re having a dinner at mine.” John decided cooly, seemingly unrelated, leaning in the doorframe. His demeanor was its usual casual confidence, but his eyes were dark with the kind of want that spelled disaster for anything that stood between him and his goal. The seeds Simon had planted were growing like invasive weeds, wild and quick, “She’s invited.” 

“How’re we playin’ this?” Simon questioned relinquishing the reins to his captain, he was just as much of a soldier as the rest of them, he took orders well, watching as Gaz joined Johnny at the foot of the bed, both Sergeants watching the video together, hands already starting to wander, gear being unbuckled and unsnapped. Price smirked at the sight, adjusting himself through his camo cargos. 

“Cooly. Don’t wanna spook th’ sweet thing.” He smiled, mostly to himself making himself comfortable on the tiny futon that had been cramped in Simon’s room as an ‘officer’s luxury’. The captain dwarfed it, and patted the limited space beside him for his lieutenant to join him, “We’ll have ‘er eating out of our hands. And then we’ll have her.”

Price said this with the same easy decisiveness as he’d have busting a terrorist cell, but the curl of his lip, how his legs spread to accommodate the growing erection in pants noted the difference for Simon, his captain nodding towards the Sergeant’s watching the video, their breaths already getting heavy. Kyle’s hands fisting the bed's blankets like he might slip away and Johnny’s hips were already rocking a bit. Price’s smirk grew, eyes flicking to Simon before looking back forward, “You’ve been busy, Simon. Never miss anything, do you?” 

It was a mix of praise and teasing that, from his Captain, made Simon’s affirmative grunt a bit lower, something twisting in his gut, like a pet that wanted to be stroked more. Price chuckled deeply, nodding, “Bet that thick head’a yours hasn’t considered why you noticed alluv our infatuations with our little analyst, ‘ave you?” 

Simon didn’t respond, watching how Johnny’s eyes lit up much in the same way they did when he was presented a puzzle (bomb) that caught his interest, how he moved Kyle’s hands aside and rewinded the video, once, twice, three times at something your lookalike did that scratched his brain just right. Mutt, Simon thought, waiting for Price to continue, knowing that the captain couldn’t resist teasing him just a bit. He’d expected as much, maybe a vulgar comment or two. He was not expecting a truth bomb that turned him both introspective and horny. 

“Only reason you noticed how much we liked ‘er, cause you’re always watching her. You watch her just as much as y'watch any of us, wonder what that might mean?” Price shrugged, one hand working at his belt buckle before motioning for Gaz to turn the volume. The Captain actually laughed at the look in Simon’s eyes that most would miss before nodding back to the video and the Sergeants, “Now, watch the show."

Fucking hell. 

__

Maybe it was that little bite of introspection or the flight home where they fleshed out every last detail of their plan to get you, the real you. (“Gaz and Johnny’ll do the leg work, play up the charm, and Ghost and I’ll work the opposite angle, strong and silent.”). Maybe it was how eagerly excited Soap was or how Ghost spent his extra time scrolling through your Instagram. Maybe it was the two brief interactions with you upon returning to base- how pretty your eyes were looking up at him through your lashes, how good you smelled, the movement of your skirt as Johnny spun you around, how you got jittery under his slightest touch in the briefing room… 

By the time he found himself on Price’s couch, he was impatient. Knee bouncing, checking his watch, making Gaz track your location. When you’d been sitting out in your car for more than fifteen minutes, he all but growled, snapping at Soap, “Go get ‘er.” 

And when Soap guided you inside, pulling one of those bright smiles out of you with his own jokes, and Gaz was helping you out of your coat like unwrapping a present, your cheeks already flushed all pretty from the Sergeants’ tag team flirting routine… He didn’t think he could wait for Price to put the steaks on the grill, he needed something to sink his teeth into, sooner rather than later. He was sure if he bit the curve of your neck, it’d be a lot like biting into a ripe peach… supple and sweet. Just like you. 

Oh, his plan had worked, the seeds were planted and growing and overtaking every other thought in his mind other than making sure him and his boys were sated at dinner tonight, and you were on the menu. 

____

To quote Sir Mix-A-Lot, "Little Does she know I'm a nasty DAWG."

Y’all are getting this because my writing app deleted what I had done on Search History pt 2. Reminder- the reader is loosely based on Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds. The physical description is pretty vague, but lots of skirts and heels and makeup are mentioned, and I might have gotten carried away and implied

Once again: thanks to any and all tags and comments, i collect them and they will be buried in my pyramid when I die. seriously, they inspire me to keep going and I screen shot them to show to my friends :))))

Also so sorry if you got tagged twice im bad at taglists!!

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[eyestrain-addict]

I want to make a post for a meal to remember but also my memory is so so bad, just know that if you are my mutual in the fandom or if I've even just had a positive interaction with you, I love you and I'm kissing you on the forehead in my heart.